Abyss does the weather

What would you think if you saw this guy doing your weather forecast?

Abyss does the weather on the KQTV 6pm news

Return from hiatus

All right! Hello, and welcome back to your regularly scheduled broadcast!

I haven't been on here for the last couple weeks, as a number of things seemed to hit at once. Namely, Grand Theft Auto IV came out. Every time I went to start writing, I decided to play a game instead. Or to read. Or go on a bike ride. Or write an article for 411mania.com. Life happens, you know?

Any way. For anybody who might still be checking this thing, I'm glad you've stuck around! I'll be kicking my continued Fantasy Booking of WWE back off again. I need to have another look, but I think I last finished One Night Stand. And, my WWE world is pretty vastly different from the real WWE's world.

I am also going to post a couple movie reviews, for Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and the to-be-released Indiana Jones IV, which I hope I can be objective for.

Until the goodness comes, here are the links to each of my 411mania.com articles:

Just Another Day at the Office: Goodbye Toby Review
411’s PPV Preview: TNA Sacrifice 2008

Just Another Day At The Office 05.09.08: Job Fair Review
Just Another Day At The Office 05.03.08: Did I Stutter Review
Just Another Day At The Office 04.25.08: Night Out Review
Just Another Day At The Office 04.18.08: Chair Model Review

GTA4: Early review

Here are some of my first impressions on Grand Theft Auto IV:

Every videogame-reviewing company/magazine/Web site has scored the game highly, and IGN even gave it a 10, and has said it is the best game since Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time. Now, I didn't play OoT, so I don't know about that. I will say that, in about 6 or 7 hours of gameplay, GTA4 is very good. But that is no surprise. I have been unable to put it down, except that sleep and work have gotten in the way.

Before I talk about the new games, I'll talk a bit about the older ones. I didn't own any of the first three GTA games (or the expansion packs), but I did play them at a friend's house, and still have a soft spot for GTA2. To that point, I had pretty much just been playing sports games, Mario, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Sonic. An open-world game was a completely different thing for me, and I could spend hours running around with a flamethrower and drawing SWAT teams and helicopters after me.

I also played GTA3 at my friend's house, and mostly spent the time running around and building up my wanted level.

When I finally got a game myself, it was GTA: Vice City, and it was awesome. The storyline was great, as was just about everything else except for the fact that Tommy Vercetti couldn't swim. But the game is so massive that I got about halfway through before I got tired of it, and only would play when I felt like making a little mayhem that wasn't appropriate in the streets of Coshocton, or on Kent State campus. (Reading summaries of the game now, I guess I was a lot further along in the main story, but hadn't done a lot of the side missions.) Also, the 80's setting, music, cars and characters were awesome. I cruised around frequently listening to Michael Jackson...Come to think of it, that's what I do in real life now.

The next game was GTA: San Andreas, and I really just never got into it. I don't know if it was the setting, or if I didn't identify with the character (an African-American gangbanger from L.A....hmmmm.), or if it was that you were forced to lift weights frequently and eat healthy food in order to stay in shape. Now, I do like RPGs, but my GTA games need to have more action, more story and less fitness. I finished even less of that game than Vice City.

Then there were the three "Stories" games, which I never got into. Partially because I had moved back into paying attention to sports games, and switched my gaming allegiances to the Nintendo Wii.

So, when GTA4 was announced forever ago, I really didn't care. I was done with the series. Not that any of the games were bad — they had just worn out their welcome with me.

Then I got an Xbox 360, and then I started paying attention to previews about the game. In about March, I got intrigued, but decided I wouldn't spend the money. Then I read IGN's thumbs-up review, and pre-ordered my copy on Saturday.

I picked up the game during my lunch hour, but didn't get to play until 8:30 at night...Oh, the agony. I played until about 1 a.m., I think. Though maybe it was closer to 1:30. Everything about the game was just great. Correction: IS great. From the opening video, to the introduction of Niko and his cousin Roman, to the graphics and simultaneous beauty and grit of Liberty City, to the driving, shooting mechanics and cover system, everything is wonderful. Granted, I'm about 10 hours in right now, and have a good 20 to 30 more hours in the main story (probably closer to 30...I'm not that good at these games). And that's not counting the hours I could spend on killing sprees, watching TV, bowling, surfing the Web, playing darts, playing pool, going to the comedy club or going out drinking with my cousin.

AND: I haven't touched online multiplayer yet, which I've heard is amazing.

The real test, for me, will be to see whether I'm still interested in the game after another 10 hours of gameplay, which I could easily get this weekend, especially if it's rainy outside like it's supposed to be. In normal, non-sports games, I get tired of the game about half-way through. By all accounts, that shouldn't happen with GTA4. I hope. Till next time: Meet me in Liberty City.

Grand Theft Auto IV Day

Today should, officially, be a holiday. Oh well. In case you haven't gotten your copy of GTA IV yet, here are a few interesting links and stories having to do with the game, and the series in general.

• Game designer Manveer Heir, with Raven Software, takes a look at the game that really started the phenomenon, GTA III, from a design stand-point.
• GTA IV is connected with Amazon.com's MP3 service.
• Poor guy. His game doesn't work.
• Forbes talks about the finances a bit, and the console war.
• I hope someone buys the guy the game for free...
• Movies may be impacted negatively by GTA IV's release.
• Licking County feedback on the game...
  

TNA is dumb

Okay. I'm watching TNA Impact right now, and it's a bit more than halfway over. There have been two incredibly stupid matches for the next pay-per-view, Sacrifice.

1. Tag team "Deuces Wild" tournament for the tag team titles. Four already established teams will face off with four randomly selected teams in a King of the Ring-style tournament for the titles. On the surface, this looks awesome, and ensures seven tag team matches, which should overwhelmingly deliver. But the convoluted road to get there? When I was watching, I just said, "huh?" Why have the non-established teams? They're automatically at a disadvantage, right? Early prediction: Booker T and Robert Roode get teamed together and win the titles. Stupid.

2. Women's Makeover Battle Royal/ladder match: Okay, throw all the knockouts in the ring, and have an over-the-top-rope battle royal. The last two have a ladder match for a shot at the Knockout Title. I get that TNA digs the battle royals, and I COMPLETELY dig a women's ladder match. I'm pulling for Roxxi Laveaux vs. Ms. Jacqueline or Gail Kim, personally, because that would be an awesome match. So what's bad about all this? The makeover part. Seriously, TNA? The loser of the ladder part of the match gets a "Britney Spears makeover," i.e.: Gets her head shaved. There's no reason for this. Maybe it'll be Rhaka Khan, so she, Petey Williams and Scott Steiner can have a bald-headed stable.

End rant.

Fantasy booking WWE, part 6: One Night Stand

The continuation of my WWE Fantasy Booking. Catch parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

This is the One Night Stand pay-per-view:

Card:
ECW Originals (Stevie Richards and Tommy Dreamer) vs. Caribbean Connection (Carlito and Kofi Kingston) in a no-DQ match
Story: Carlito bumps into Tommy Dreamer backstage one day, and tells Dreamer to get out of his way because he's old. During a Caribbean Connection match, Dreamer and Richards run out and attack them, setting up this match. Any ECW-related pay-per-view needs to feature Dreamer, I think, and this match could be a good clash-of-styles brawl to start off the night. Unfortunately for the Originals, the Caribbeans need the win to set them up in the tag division.
Will win: Caribbean Connection, with Kofi pinning Richards. 7 minutes, or so.
What's next: Richards and Dreamer, paired together basically just for this match, could go on to feud with each other on ECW for a while. The Connection will continue to roll. But they need a feud, and soon. We'll work on that.

Victoria vs. Mickie James in a hardcore match for number 1 contender of the Women's Title
Story: Basic story here. Victoria had her shot on Raw, and thinks she should have another one. Mickie James wants her own shot at the belt. So they're fighting for it. You don't see too many mainstream women's hardcore matches, and this could really be good. (Side note: My favorite women's hardcore match was between Gail Kim and Ms. Jacqueline at Lockdown 2007. Fine match.)
Will win: Mickie James, after she traps Victoria under steel steps. 9 minutes, or so.
What's next: Mickie vs. Beth Phoenix at Night of Champions

Undertaker (c) vs. MVP in a casket match for the World Heavyweight Championship
Story: Keep up with me here: Big Show had a shot at last month's pay-per-view, and uses it to put Taker out for a while by beating him up and putting him in a hearse. On a subsequent episode of Smackdown, MVP comes out to brag about his long US Title reign, and says he should be the contender now. Big Show lays down for MVP in a #1 contender's match booked by Teddy Long, revealing the two superstars' plans, in which MVP is paying Big Show a lot to injure Taker and act as an enforcer during this match. Taker isn't seen on Smackdown at all, until two days before the pay-per-view, when the lights go out during an MVP promo. Taker tells him he will "Rest In Peace." This match should be pretty fun. It's here on the card as a way to break up the title matches and the whole card with this main event. (I gave the ECW Title the main event because this is an ECW-sponsored show). This match could be great because, while MVP should have no business beating Taker, the chance is there because the "Dead Man" is still hurt from Big Show's attack. During this match, Big Show would attempt to interfere on MVP's behalf, only to be told by Teddy Long he'd be fired if he touched Taker one more time.
Will win: Undertaker. This match should go a long way in establishing MVP as a main event player, but he's really not there quite yet. 17, or so, minutes.
What's next: We could get Taker/Show again at Night of Champions, or something involving a few more people.

Khali vs. Umaga in a Caged Animal Match (with Batista in a cage) (no-DQ)
Story: Umaga and Batista have been brawling with each other since WrestleMania, but haven't had a re-match yet. Khali inserted himself by attacking Umaga after a match on Smackdown. The promos between them would be golden. To set up the need for Batista to be caged, Umaga and Khali have a match two weeks before the PPV, during which Umaga actually gets the upper hand on Khali. While the ref is distracted, Batista sneaks in and spears Umaga, Khali wins. Here, Khali's goal is to either beat Umaga by himself or unlock the cage Batista is in, setting up a handicap match. This would be a reasonably short match, with a spot at the top of the ramp where Umaga trips Khali into the cage, busting it open. Spear, powerbomb, and Khali pins Umaga.
Will win: Khali. 8 minutes, or so.
What's next: Umaga and Batista continue to feud. I am thinking of a multi-person match for the title at Night of Champions. Likely, the Umaga/Batista feud would conclude at SummerSlam. Khali goes home to India. (Really. He's doing that for real now. So I'll give him some time off here, too!)

Edge vs. Kennedy vs. Jeff Hardy in a TLC Match
Story: Edge was traded to Raw and became a sad, sad man because he left behind Vickie Guerrero, the Edge-heads and Chavo on Smackdown/ECW. Kennedy tried to wake him up on one episode of Raw, but Edge just walked away. (About a month or two before this PPV). During a Raw match between Kennedy and Hardy, Edge attacks Kennedy, costing Jeff the match. Because of this, Jeff Hardy hits Edge with a Twist of Fate, and this match is set up. It's more of a feud between Edge and Kennedy, but Hardy has a natural chemistry and mutual hatred with Edge, as well.
Will win: Edge, by pinning Hardy. 12 minutes, or so. Fun brawl by the three here, with Edge getting his first big win on Raw. This should keep the feud going for a bit longer between all three. I'd like to see Edge/Kennedy at SummerSlam.
What's next: The feud continues.

Randy Orton (c) vs. JBL in a Falls Count Anywhere match for the WWE Title
Story: JBL's final shot at the title, and Orton's chance to establish himself as the top heel, yet again, and a Legend Killer. The match is here, again, to break up title matches.
Will win: Orton, in a short-ish, brutal match. 10 minutes.
What's next: Orton vs. the winner of the Cena/HHH match at Night of Champions, then on to SummerSlam.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Rey Mysterio (no-DQ)
Story: These two were involved in a #1 contender's match for the ECW title on an episode of ECW, and were outside the ring when Chuck Palumbo pinned Chavo Guerrero for the slot. Angered, Benjamin continued to attack the just-returning Mysterio. Shelton won a match the following week against Nunzio, and cut a promo against Rey, telling him he can't measure up to the Gold Standard. Rey confronted him, and gave him the 619 the week before the pay-per-view. And the match is set.
Will win: Shelton Benjamin, in a high-flying, fast-paced match. 15 minutes, or so.
What's next: This should be enough to catapult Shelton into the main event scene on ECW. Rey wouldn't be hurt too much by this. He could fall back into a feud with Chavo, or he may go another direction. We'll see.

John Cena vs. HHH in a cage match
Story: Cena and HHH have been involved with each other since the Royal Rumble, and in multi-man title matches, proved to be each others' achilles heel. At Judgment Day, HHH stole the win by hitting Cena with a sledgehammer. This is the big blow-off to the feud. It is in a steel cage to bar the use of outside weapons. It is pinfall/submission, no escape.
Will win: Cena, in a long-ish slug fest. 20 minutes, or so.
What's next: Cena vs. Orton at Night of Champions, in their long-awaited one-on-one match for the title.

Kane (c) vs. Chuck Palumbo in an ECW Rules match for the ECW Title
Story: Palumbo won a #1 contender's match on an episode of ECW to set this up.
Will win: Kane. 8 minute match.
What's next: Shelton comes out after Kane gets the pin, and attacks him with a steel chair and other weapons, bloodying him up. As the show goes off the air, Kane sits straight up, and Shelton scampers away.

Show thoughts: This would be a really fun card, and while one might question the order of the card and the main event, I decided to give ECW the spotlight once. If Palumbo's been pushed right before this, it could have been a real monster vs. monster type of match, and the next program for Kane is set up right away. Matches of the night: Cena/HHH and Edge/Hardy/Kennedy. Both of those matches should be great, and set things up for the future. I realize that the Khali/Umaga match has a lot of chances to be horrible, but I think it's doing the trick in separating Umaga and Batista for a little while longer.

MVP will stay in the Smackdown main event from now on, and a big multi-person match for Night of Champions is in order on the Smackdown side. On Raw, JBL is knocked down a peg. We'll have to see where HHH and JBL go from here.

Let's look ahead to Night of Champions, and the matches that will be there:

Beth Phoenix (c) vs. Mickie James for the Women's Championship
Cryme Tyme (c) vs. Miz and Morrison (c) to unify the tag team championships
Matt Hardy (c) vs. ?? for the US Title
Chris Jericho (c) vs. CM Punk (MitB) for the Intercontinental Title and MitB briefcase
Kane (c) vs. Shelton Benjamin for the ECW Title
Undertaker (c) vs. Big Show vs. MVP vs. Batista vs. Umaga vs. ? for the World Heavyweight Championship
Randy Orton (c) vs. John Cena for the WWE Title

Links: More involving myself, and other fun stuff

Sorry I haven't been updating this so regularly lately, but here are a few links for some fun things that I'm involved in, and other stories I've read. Also, I am working on the next installment in my Fantasy Booking series:

• Review of last week's Office episode, Chair Model.
• I've also taken part in the last two weeks' "Wrestler of the Week" voting at 411mania.com. Last week, this week.
• Grand Theft Auto IV is looking pretty good so far, according to IGN.com. Check out their week-long series on the upcoming game.
• Tuesday Morning Quarterback's "Mock" NFL draft.
• No big surprise: Kevin Garnett is the Defensive Player of the Year.
• Presidential candidates: Do you smell what Ba-Rock is cookin'? Whatcha gonna do when the McCain-iacs run wild on you? Ummmmmm...Hillrod.
• A moment with Mike Adamle. (Excuse the visual language at the beginning...but this was the best compilation of crap-tacular Adamle quotes from last week.)